Brusqueness

Criminal decides that the ideal venue for a mugging is a police convention attended by 300 narcotics officers.

Students out celebrating the end of their course tried to make off with a museum’s 20ft dinosaur model but were caught by police.

Three-time Sony Ericsson champion Venus Williams and British number one Andy Murray kicked off the 2009 Sony Ericsson Open with a little “Traffic Tennis” atop two SUV’s on Miami’s Ocean Drive.

Thankfully for both stars, the game was only promotional and served only as a warm-up for this year’s Sony Ericsson Open, which begins tomorrow.

The Miami tournament, running March 25 - April 5, will open play on the purple courts with World No. 1 Rafael Nadal (who defeated Murray last week in the BNP Paribas final) looking to win his first title in Miami.

With 48 of the world’s top 50 players involved in Miami, both Williams and Murray face a tough task to win one of the more gruelling but lucrative tournaments on the circuit.

Dressed in a bright pink and purple tennis dress, Venus proved she is up for some serious competition against younger sister Serena, currently World No.1.

Twenty-seven-year-old Serena will be aiming to maintain her No.1 ranking as she begins her quest for a sixth title in Miami against either Switzerland’s Timea Bacsinszky or US wild card Alexa Glatch.

Maria Sharapova had to withdraw from this week’s Open due to a nagging shoulder injury, but fans still have chance to see and meet her in South Florida.

MaSha will make a personal appearance, greet her fans and sign autographs at Cole Haan in Village of Merrick Park on the first floor of Nordstrom in Coral Gables, Florida on Wednesday, March 25th from 2 to 3 p.m. Fans can also enter a contest to win one of five prizes of tickets to the Sony Ericsson Open and a Cole Haan handbag.

Norway’s Kjersti Oestgaard Buaas won the women’s Slopestyle title while Jamie Anderson, who missed the contest because of injury, still managed to clinch the Burton Global Open Series Championship.  Both of their payouts matched their male counterparts thanks to Burton’s equal payouts for men and women in contests.  Buaas also won Friday’s Quarterpipe competition, earning $10K plus $3K for highest air.

The women’s Swatch TTR title race will end after next week’s Roxy Chicken Jam in Mammoth, CA.  Jamie Anderson leads that race though Buass is catching up.

The last day of the US Open proved to be the busiest with junior jam finals, men’s and women’s slopestyle finals and three major titles being awarded. Buaas picked up $20,000 for winning the slopestyle finals and Jamie Anderson took home $100,000, currently the largest single payout in the sport.  Buaas will also be driving a new Volvo XC60 after winning the Volvo Most Valuable Rider Awards.

At the beginning of slopestyle finals, the variable weather conditions constantly switched between sun, clouds, snow and wind. The women got caught in a snow squall during their first runs, but after about 20 minutes, the clouds magically parted and the sun came out. After a sticky snowfall, riders struggled to make it through the course. Jenny Jones put together a solid run, holding on to first place for a while. But it was Kjersti Buaas who took the top spot on the US Open podium for the second time in the weekend with a run that included a nosepress on the box, 50/50 to frontside 180, Cab 540 indy, backside 360 indy, frontside 360 stalefish ending with a frontside 720 mute.  Chanelle Sladics earned third place and the Emergen-C Best Trick award for her front boardslide 270 out on the down rail.

“Being the best overall rider meant a lot to me because I strive to be good in the pipe and slope,” said Kjersti. “I was trying all season to be good in both disciplines, it makes me so excited. Now people can’t just define me as a pipe rider, and that means the most to me.”

Earlier in the day, snowboarding’s up-and-coming groms competed in the annual US Open junior jam halfpipe competition. Thirteen-year-old Arielle Gold took the title for the girls with her technical spin combinations and her impressive amplitude.

During Saturdays halfpipe final, Torah Bright led the women, earning her third title and tying her with Kelly Clark (who finished second in the contest) with the most ever.  Clark took the top spot early and held on until the third and final run.  But it was Bright’s final run that stole the show when she dropped in switch, starting off with Cab 720 indy, followed by a crippler, backside 360 indy, switch backside 720 ending with a backside 540. 

 “I feel great,” said Torah. “I didn’t realize that I tied with Kelly for the most wins. It feels really good, especially because the US Open is such a special event.”

Bright earned a bonus $3,000 and the Amp Energy Best Trick award for her stylish switch backside 720. Ellery Hollingsworth was third.  

When you have to go and visit your doctor, dentist or even the hospital you always have to sit in the waiting room. Sometimes you have to sit on hard chairs that are uncomfortable, but just sometimes you get to sit on a nice sofa. Well could you imagine how much of a dick you would look sitting on this one, the sofa is in the shape of a dick; it even has testicles at the end.

When I first saw Pope Benedict, I kept thinking that he reminded me of someone. Well after thinking very hard it came to me, the new Pope looks a lot like Uncle Fester from The Adams Family The Movie. Just look at those bags under his eyes, man he looks evil, then again he has gone without sex a long time, so has a lot on his mind.

I have seen some freaky tattoos and body piercings in my time, but this guy really does look like a freak. How could anyone be able to walk down the street when you know that people will be staring at you.

I love all the latest technology and so do the police, which is why they decided to install the latest in car phone technology. What an idiot the driver of this squad car was.

Gus the dog will change the whole world because he has won the canine victory at an annual contest in Northern California. Owner Jeanenne Teed travelled across the country from Florida to compete in the competition to show off her world’s ugliest dog called Gus.

Gus is a hairless pedigree Chinese crested dog who only has three legs, so with only 3 legs, no hair and ugly looks the poor little dog should be in hiding. But Gus deserves such victories because Ms Teed entered her pet into this competition to raise awareness and hope for people who have pets with cancer. Ms Teed said that she will give the £500 ($1,000) prize on treatment for Gus’ skin cancer. The Chinese crested breed is often the standout in the competition, we have a whole lot of love going on for Gus, and we hope he does well. Please send in your thoughts to Gus in the comments area below.

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